Soulmate Gem
Soulmate Gem
Photo: Kai Pilger
While there's no guarantee that a relationship that moves too quickly will absolutely, positively end just as quickly as it came to be, taking it slow is usually a far better option than racing through it; it's not as though there's some invisible finish line you need to get to, so taking your time to really relish in ...
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Read More »When you meet someone new and you're totally smitten, sometimes a relationship can move too fast. Even if you're not looking to go from zero to 60 in record time and you actually want to take it slow, when you're really feeling it for someone you can lose control of the situation. Then, before you know it, it's only been a few weeks and you're already talking about moving in together. Which, although great because being in love is awesome, moving too quickly can sometimes doom the relationship. "I call them microwave romances," board-certified psychiatrist Dr. Susan Edelman, tells Bustle. "They progress at lightning speed and typically explode in your face... don't forget how sexy taking things slowly can be." While there's no guarantee that a relationship that moves too quickly will absolutely, positively end just as quickly as it came to be, taking it slow is usually a far better option than racing through it; it's not as though there's some invisible finish line you need to get to, so taking your time to really relish in those fun beginning moments is something worth considering. Because once that honeymoon phase of a relationship is over, it's not coming back. So, is your new relationship moving too quickly? Here are eight signs that it is and it's time to pull back a bit, according to experts. 1 You Already Fully Trust Them Andrew Zaeh for Bustle A sign that you're moving too quickly in a relationship, is that you're dropping everything and anything about you. While it's great that you're so open to do so, and do so without any qualms, if you're looking to build a healthy relationship that you hope will be long-term, there's really no need to reveal every single detail about you right away. Take your time, sprinkling bits and pieces about yourself to your partner, and ask that they do the same. "You trust them — with your information, your life decisions — before they've proven themselves to you," Irene Fehr, sex & intimacy coach, tells Bustle. "Quite simply, trust takes time. A lot of time. Especially in situations where your partner feels like a dream come true, it's easy to give them credit and think the best of them. However, it takes major conflicts and adverse situations to see how people really show up. Don't trust until they've earned your trust." 2 You're Not Giving Each Other Enough Space Ashley Batz/Bustle When you first meet someone and you can't get enough of them, it can feel almost impossible to give each other space because you really want to be with them at all times. And, if you can't be with them, you want to constantly be in contact. Of course this is understandable, however, this isn't just a sign that things are moving too quickly, but that you could be on a road to losing yourself in the process. "You're together all the time, in person or texting," says Dr. Edelman. "It's exciting when you find someone you like, but pacing things is very important so that you don't get hurt if things don't work out."
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Read More »3 You Already Feel Security Andrew Zaeh for Bustle "You're sure this person is right for you when you hardly know them," says Dr. Edelman. "If you're feeling desperate or lonely, you might be tempted to idealize them, but real security in a relationship happens when the person shows over time that you can trust them." No one is perfect. But while this is a fact, when things are moving too fast and you're swept up in it, you're likely to be unable to see this new partner for who they really are. When this happens, you not only begin to idealize them but even idolize them, thinking they can do no wrong — which is setting yourself up for potential hurt. 4 You're Making Major Life Decisions Before Your First Big Fight Andrew Zaeh for Bustle Although fighting with your partner is never any fun, it's an inevitable component of every relationship. It's also in those first big fights that a lot about your partner is revealed. How people react under pressure says a lot about them. "Doing fun things together like travel makes for great connection and getting to know each other," says Fehr. "It's easy to put your best foot forward when you're having fun. It's a different story when things get hard. Before you make major decisions about your partner and your life, it's important to see all sides of your partner: how they handle stress, disagreement, adverse situations, anger, sadness, disappointment, etc. In other words, their emotional intelligence. How well couples repair from conflict and fights determines how well they will be able to grow closer over time." 5 You're Having Lots of Sex But Not Talking About Sex Andrew Zaeh for Bustle You absolutely want to know if you and your partner share the same values when it comes to sex, and when you're moving quickly you may be having a lot of sex but not actually communicating about it. Fehr says being on the same page about sex is just as important as it is for other values. "Find out what sex means to them," says Fehr. Ask them what makes sex good for them and make sure you're it's not a topic that's too uncomfortable to talk about.
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Read More »6 You're Talking About Moving In Together Before Meeting Their Friends And Family Andrew Zaeh for Bustle Although you can rush things by meeting your new partner's friends and family, you can also rush things by making monumental decisions for your future together without meeting their friends and family, too. "How people relate to others is an important sign as to who they are and a preview of how they will treat you,"says Fehr. "When choosing a partner, you want to look for responsibility and accountability — and there's no better way than to see how your partner relates to others. You want to gauge their values, emotional intelligence, and how well they respect, support and play with others." 7 You're Putting Your Friends On The Back Burner Andrew Zaeh for Bustle Sadly, alienating your friends can come with the territory when your relationship is moving too quickly. "It isn't a good sign if you're ignoring your friends because the new relationship is taking over," says Dr. Edelman. "If this new relationship doesn't work out, they are the ones who will support you through the heartache."
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