Soulmate Gem
Soulmate Gem
Photo: Geometric Photography
And though the ick tends to show up in newly forming relationships, it can happen in long-term relationships, too, says clinical psychologist Elizabeth Fedrick, PhD, founder of Evolve Counseling & Behavioral Health Services.
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Read More »A close cousin of “moist” in my book, “ick” is a word that sounds a little gross to say—and that’s fitting for its definition in the context of relationships. The "ick," which has become a close cousin of “moist” in my book, “ick” is a word that sounds a little gross to say—and that’s fitting for its definition in the context of relationships. The "ick," which has become a trending concept on TikTok , refers to any kind of highly visceral turnoff or the experience of being repulsed by said turnoff (á la “catching the ick”). Given the vast span of things that could be interpreted as icky turnoffs, though (take sticking your tongue out in photos and holding a fork weirdly for two completely unrelated examples), understanding what the ick really is, why it shows up, and what you can do about it requires deciphering some relationship psychology. Generally, catching the ick while dating or in a relationship tends to leave you feeling as though you'll never look at the other person quite the same way again...that is, without a sense of overwhelming disgust. And though the ick tends to show up in newly forming relationships, it can happen in long-term relationships, too, says clinical psychologist Elizabeth Fedrick, PhD, founder of Evolve Counseling & Behavioral Health Services. The common denominator? Something the other person said or did creates a sudden “ew” feeling “that can negatively impact the way you view them overall,” says Dr. Fedrick, “and it is hard, if not impossible in some cases, to come back from.”
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Read More »Short answer: It depends. There’s certainly some credence to acknowledging your body’s natural response to a person’s presence, according to Dr. Fedrick. “If you are newly dating someone and are repeatedly feeling icky or uncomfortable with that person, it is likely that your nervous system is sending a message to you that something is not right in that dynamic,” she says. “In this case, you want to honor that your body is trying to protect you and consider moving on.” Particularly if the ick is not an isolated thing and has changed your overall perception of a partner, such that you’re no longer interested in physical closeness or intimacy, it may be worth cutting ties rather than fighting the feeling. That said, the ick can be a fickle thing. Perhaps the action that catalyzed the feeling is something you could gently ask your partner to avoid doing, and over time, the ick may dissipate as a result. Or, if it seems like a few different behaviors are contributing to the ick you feel for a person who (otherwise) checks all your boxes, self-reflection may help you gauge whether your experience in previous relationships may be leading you to instinctively reject a good thing. “When we become afraid of getting too attached to someone and getting hurt, it becomes easy to find flaws in the other person and start to push them away in a subconscious attempt to keep ourselves safe,” says Dr. Fedrick. In that situation, you’d be doing yourself a disservice to simply end the relationship over the ick. Instead of running, you’d want to share your vulnerabilities or fears of intimacy or commitment with your partner in an open, honest conversation. “They may be able to listen, work with you, and make changes to create a secure attachment minus the ick,” says Zinn, who also recommends seeing a therapist if you suspect that attachment issues are triggering your ick. “A professional can help you process what you’re feeling and determine if there might be something you can work through to allow the ickiness to resolve over time,” says Dr. Fedrick.
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