Soulmate Gem
Photo by Tatiana Syrikova Pexels Logo Photo: Tatiana Syrikova

Can we control who we fall in love with?

It's not possible to control your feelings when it comes to love. There shouldn't be a time limit or required amount of time. If it's going to happen, it's going to happen whether you like it or not. Of course, it's easier to be mobile when you're not married.

What girls find cute in guys?
What girls find cute in guys?

8 Traits that Modern Girls Find Attractive in Guys Women love caring and brave men. ... Women love funny men. ... Women like lively men. ... Women...

Read More »
Which zodiac signs will be rich?
Which zodiac signs will be rich?

Scorpio and Virgo lead the way Leos, Geminis and Cancerians come very close to the top contributing 9.3%, 9% and 8.8% to the list, respectively....

Read More »

I am the king of psyching myself out. And I have an acute fear of success. (opens in new tab) These two things result in the sabotage of a lot of would-be relationships. This self-sabotaging is actually very common. The more serious a relationship gets, the more energy and investment you put into it, the more you risk — and fear — failure. That fear is a defense mechanism. Despite our quest for love, we're scared of it (opens in new tab) and often try to control our feelings in an effort to minimize the chances of a broken heart. There are a list of "rules" people use to control love and dating. Here are a few:

The Timing Must Be Right

I used to think I had to be with someone for a certain amount of time — usually six months — before I could agree to a relationship. This may have stunted something that could have been meaningful. It's not possible to control your feelings when it comes to love. There shouldn't be a time limit or required amount of time. If it's going to happen, it's going to happen whether you like it or not.

Maintaining Mobility

Men equate marriage with the end of personal growth. (opens in new tab) In other words, remaining single will give you more ability to move to a new town (opens in new tab), or test out different careers, and develop as a person. This may be true, but in a healthy marriage, both individuals are able to grow while remaining a team. (opens in new tab) Of course, it's easier to be mobile when you're not married. And you never want to look back and say "What if I had tried this?" But you don't want to let that special person get away. (opens in new tab) It may be worse to look back and say: "What if I still had that person in my life?"

Time Restrictions

When you start a new relationship, you want to see each other all the time. In the back of your mind, you tell yourself to temper the time you spend together to avoid relationship burnout. (opens in new tab) But, if your feelings are destined to burn out, they'll burn out regardless of how much you hang out with each other. (opens in new tab) The healthiest approach is to do what your feelings tell you to do: Hang out as much as you want to hang out with that significant other. At some point, your friends may say something, or you may miss your friends. (opens in new tab) If you're in a healthy relationship, you'll be able to spend time apart when the time is right. These rules are classic cases of head vs. heart. You could be disappointed if you listen to either — you could miss out on something special if you listen to your head, but you could miss out on certain experiences if you listen to your heart. I've always lived by my heart's rules, but there's no right answer.

What are your thoughts on the above, and what other "practical" rules do you try to apply to relationships?

How do you kiss extremely?
How do you kiss extremely?

Be gentle Tilt your head as you softly lean in, kiss, come up for air, and lean in again. Like sex, kissing should create anticipation, rhythm, and...

Read More »
How do you know if someone fancies you?
How do you know if someone fancies you?

10 signs that they're definitely into you Body language. You can tell a lot about whether someone likes you through body language. ... Shy looks....

Read More »

Why is my 6 year old getting pimples?
Why is my 6 year old getting pimples?

Kids get acne because of hormone changes that come with puberty. If your parent had acne as a teen, it's likely that you will too. Stress may make...

Read More »
What is the youngest country to get married?
What is the youngest country to get married?

Sudan has the largest gender gap: Girls can marry at 10 and boys can marry at 15 or puberty without parental or judicial permission. Several...

Read More »
What can I call my best friend girl?
What can I call my best friend girl?

Nicknames for Girl Best Friends Bestie. BFF. Queen. Senorita. Girly. Gal. Friend for Life. Forever Friend. More items... • Mar 13, 2020

Read More »
How do you know if he's not into you?
How do you know if he's not into you?

Signs He's Not Into You He's inconsistently responsive to messages or just ignores them. ... He doesn't make time for you. ... He avoids contact...

Read More »