Soulmate Gem
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Can a guy love two woman?

According to Ken Munyua, a Nairobi-based psychologist, men can have a sense of attachment and commitment to more than one romantic partner, which they will define as love. “A man may be able to emotionally commit and attach himself to two women at the same time.

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In December 2018, Elizabeth Silamoi and Joyce Tokoyian wed the same man on the same day in Kajiado County. They agreed that Elizabeth, 23, would be the first wife while Joyce, 25, would be the second wife. The two women who professed love for their husband also agreed that they would have identical and equal household items to create a power balance in their marriage to Tom Mako. Tom had already declared his equal love for the two women. Two years later, in December 2020, a Kenyan man who was identified as Hez Jakamollo shared photos of the two identical modern bungalows he was building for his two wives. The bungalows were in the same parcel of land, at least 30 feet apart. The two houses, which were identical in every way, were a representation of his equal love for the two women. These two incidents created a buzz about how one person can love two people equally, at the same time, and without favouring one over the other.

The big conundrum

According to Aaron Ben–Zeéz, a professor of philosophy and the author of In the Name of Love: Romantic Ideology and Its Victims, people who feel that it is possible to love two people at the same time equally often offer a logical contradiction. However, others see loving two people as having a complimentary romantic engagement. “The love for the second person is seen as being based upon a different set of characteristics and qualities of the second lover, and thus is seen as complementing the set of qualities and characteristics of the first lover,” he adds.

Emotional behaviours and inclinations

The biggest problem with polyamorous romance is emotional dissonance.

“Emotionally, it will be extremely difficult to imagine your lover in the arms of another romantic partner,” says Ben–Zeéz. Those who can say they are in love with two people at the same time will hardly stand being in the shoes of either of their lovers. According to Ken Munyua, a Nairobi-based psychologist, men can have a sense of attachment and commitment to more than one romantic partner, which they will define as love. “A man may be able to emotionally commit and attach himself to two women at the same time. However, in most cases, a woman will not be able to do the same. Women are emotionally inclined to attach and commit differently than men. Unlike men, women practice and pursue exclusivity in romance,” he says. Men who discreetly practice polyamory will easily act ‘monogamous’ with each of their lovers. “For instance, when a man is with his first lover, he can shut the second lover out and treat the one he is with as if they were the only one. He will replay the same scenario when he meets with his second partner, whom he will treat as if she is the only queen,” says Munyua.

Perception on monogamy vs polygamy

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11+ Ways to Make Your Boyfriend Realize Your Importance and Worth 1 Let him make time for you. 2 Stop doing favors for him. 3 Go out with your friends. 4 Post some pics on social media. 5 Give yourself a makeover. 6 Flirt with other guys. 7 Dive into your hobbies. 8 Go out on dates together. More items... •

Question

How do I keep my boyfriend interested in me?

Elvina Lui, MFT

Marriage & Family Therapist Marriage & Family Therapist Elvina Lui is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in relationship counseling based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Elvina received her Masters in Counseling from Western Seminary in 2007 and trained under the Asian Family Institute in San Francisco and the New Life Community Services in Santa Cruz. She has over 13 years of counseling experience and is trained in the harm reduction model. Elvina Lui, MFT Marriage & Family Therapist Expert Answer The wording of this question is concerning because it implies that a boyfriend should lose interest, which in turn implies that the attraction was based on shallow qualities. My advice is to build the relationship from a deeper place. I am not discounting the value of physical attraction, because physical attraction is definitely an important part of the picture, I am merely telling you to make sure you are also bonded in other meaningful ways. For some people, their partner is the only person in the world who knows their story, think about how special that is and how unreplaceable you are to your partner. Another lasting bond would be working towards a common dream. As you two grew closer and learned of each other's dreams, the more you two integrate your efforts and direction, the stronger your bond will become.

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