Soulmate Gem
Soulmate Gem
Photo: Anna Nekrashevich
"There's a train of thought from dating coaches who will say that butterflies in your tummy is actually a red flag, meaning that this is somebody who's activating your old traumas and the butterflies in your tummy are actually your woundedness recognizing their woundedness," says Solomon.
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Read More »When you're first catching feelings for someone special, there's a good chance you'll also catch some butterflies. Not the legit insects, of course, but the fluttery sensation that crops up in your tummy when you make eye contact with your crush from across the room Bridgerton-style. And you're not just imagining it: There are a few physiological reasons why you experience fluttering in your stomach when you're around a prospective or brand-new love interest — or even a long-term partner. Here, relationship experts break down the science behind the butterflies in your stomach.
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Read More »Dopamine — a substance closely related to norepinephrine — may also play a role in launching your butterflies. Known as the "feel-good" hormone, dopamine makes you feel happy and motivated, and it's released when you engage in pleasurable activities, such as sex or spending time with a potential partner, according to the Cleveland Clinic. And both of these chemicals may be linked with feelings of romantic love, which, in general, "produces a lot of physical reactions, among them the butterflies, a dry mouth, weak knees, stammering, and other responses," says Fisher. These chemicals may also originate in the gut itself, which could create those butterfly feelings, adds Solomon. "There's a profound connection between our brains and our guts," she says. ICYDK, the digestive system has its own nervous system called the enteric nervous system (ENS), and it's been nicknamed the body's "second brain," according to information published by Loyola Medicine. The ENS is connected to your actual brain via nerve pathways and shares the same neurotransmitters (including dopamine) to communicate and, in turn, control digestion. Thanks to this direct line of communication, stress and other emotions can impact the gut, according to Loyola Medicine. "That's why sometimes if you feel nervous, you'llhave GI distress or have that 'gut feeling,'" says Solomon. For the same reason, feeling aroused, excited, or anxious about spending time with your potential or new partner could create swoon-like sensations in your stomach.
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Read More »In the end, a feeling of butterflies in your stomach — or lack thereof — shouldn't determine the fate of your relationship. "I neither want people to think the absence of butterflies is a poor prognostic indicator nor do I want people to think that the presence of butterflies is a poor prognostic indicator," says Solomon. "I think it's one piece of a much larger, more complicated puzzle." ( FTR, it's totally normal for those butterflies you experienced when you first started dating to fade as time goes on. Early in relationships, couples often have a lot of spontaneous sexual desire — that feeling of "I want to jump your bones right this second." But as the relationship progresses, that sexual desire generally shifts to become more responsive (think: you're not really in the mood, but it's Saturday night and you normally do the deed then), says Solomon. "That's a shift that's expected, and it would be accompanied by a decrease or disappearance of the butterflies in the tummy feeling," she explains. "It doesn't mean you're broken, your partner's broken, and the relationship is doomed. It just means that you're ushering in a phase where you have to — and you get to — actively work together to cultivate a happy, healthy, erotic environment." Still, the idea of those swoony sensations fading can be disheartening.That's why Solomon encourages you to instead focus on what you're gaining in the relationship, such as the comfort and safety of having your "person" in your corner. "You may be losing your butterflies, but what you're gaining is a person who is in the front row of your life, a supporter, a cheerleader, a companion, and a lover," she says.
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